स्पेनिश नौसेना के एक युध्दपोत का कप्तान एक दिन डेक पर टहल रहा था कि तभी उसका सहायक भागता हुआ आया और चिल्लाया - सर ! मैंने अभी अभी दुश्मन का एक युध्दपोत देखा है जो हमारी तरफ आ रहा है ।
 
कप्तान ने शांतिपूर्वक उसकी बात सुनी, फिर उसे आदेश दिया - जाओ, मेरी लाल कमीज लेकर आओ ।
सहायक उसकी लाल रंग की कमीज ले आया जिसे कप्तान ने पहन लिया।
 
दोनों जलपोतों के बीच भयंकर युध्द हुआ और अंत में स्पेनिश पोत विजयी रहा। युध्द के बाद, सहायक ने कप्तान से पूछा - सर! मैं आपसे एक बात पूछना चाहता था! आपने युध्द के दौरान लाल रंग की कमीज क्यों पहनी ?
 
कप्तान ने गर्व भरे ढंग से बताया - ताकि यदि मुझे गोली लगे तो मेरे सैनिक मेरे शरीर से बहता हुआ खून न देख सकें और उनका हौसला न टूटे।
 
सहायक अपने कप्तान की बहादुरी और बुध्दिमत्ता का कायल हो गया। तभी एक दूसरा सिपाही भागता हुआ आया और बोला - सर, सर ! मैंने अभी दुश्मन के 20 युध्दपोत देखे हैं जो हमारी तरफ आ रहे हैं !
 
कप्तान, सहायक की ओर मुड़ा और आदेश दिया - जाओ और जाकर मेरी पीले रंग की पेन्ट लेकर आओ.....। 
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On Special Request ....here is the English Translation

One find day the Captain of a Spanish warship was lazing on the deck, suddenly his assistant came running towards him and screamed “Sir, I have just seen the enemy’s warship heading towards our ship”.

The Captain listened to him peacefully and ordered him, “Go and get my Red Shirt”

The assistant brought his red shirt; he wore that and started fighting the battle. A fierce battle was fought and ultimately the Spanish won.

After their victory, the assistant asks him the reason for wearing red shirt, the captain replies, “I wore red shirt so that if I get hurt my army will not see my blood and will not loose their faith”

The Assistant was impressed by his boss’s intelligence, immediately a solider came running towards him and screamed “Sir, I have seen enemy’s 20 warships heading towards us”

The Captain turned towards his assistant and orders “Go and get my yellow Pant”

Dear Friends

Just wanted to share this cute pic with you which clearly tells that Men will be Men always no matter how old are they...god has programmed them  that ways .

Love

Sarika

SEX

Now that I have all your attention, I would like to wish all of you

APRIL FOOL’S Day Dont mind

Their sons

These 4 pals go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son BIll," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift." The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "George is so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Albert, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Frank's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

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An Intelligent Blonde

A Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde.

He immediately turns to her and makes his move.

“You know,” he says,” I’ve heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let’s talk”

The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, “What would you like to discuss?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” says the guy. “How about nuclear power?”

“OK,” says the blonde. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first.

A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?”

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, “I haven’t the slightest idea.”

“So tell me,” says the blonde, “How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?

What It Means To Have A NORTH INDIAN GIRL as Wife

1. At the time of marriage, a north Indian girl has more boyfriends than her age. (…well true… life without BF considered LS here)

2. Before marriage, she looks almost like a bollywood heroine and after marriage you have to go around her twice to completely hug her. (….correct again ….. we call it style and they call it tantrums)

3. By the time she professes her undevoted love to you, you are bankrupt because of the number of times you had to take her out to movie theatres and restaurants. ( Mind that Gfrds are luxuries.. not every one can afford them ).

4. The only dishes she can think of to cook is paneer butter masala, aloo sabji, aloo gobi sabji, aloo matar, aloo paneer, that after eating all those paneer and aloos you are either in the bed with chronic cholestrol or chronic gas disorder.( sadly but true ….but they are so delicious)

5. The only growth that you see later in your career is the rise in your monthly phone bill. (Yes, we can talk for days if not disturbed ….and now a  days we have more phone connections at home than the no. of members in a family..)

6. You are blinded by her love that you think that she is a blonde. Only later do you come to know that it is because of the mehandhi that she applies to cover her gray hair. (…..so what … Mehndi is herbal and it gives cooling effect also)

7. When you come home from office she is very busy watching "Kyonki saas bhi kabi bahu thi" that you either end up eating outside or cooking yourself.( they are so nail biting …..who would care if someone has eaten or not )

8. You are a very "ESpecial" person to her. ( ….SO…)

9. She always thought that Madras is a state and covers the whole of south India until she met you. ( here we mean that we don’t understand any of the south Indian language and we cant even find the difference and we don’t bother about this also)

10. When she says she is going to "work out" she means she is going to "! walk out"

11. She has greater number of relatives than the number of people you have in your home town.   ( We believe in close knit family concept.. even our aunt’s brother in law’s  sister in law’s daughter’s husband’s sister in law’s……is a close relation to us  )

12. The only two sentences in English that she knows are "Thank you" and "How are you" .( Wrong …..see you, bye bye are another sentences that  we know)

13. She thinks Govinda can dance better than Michael Jackson. (What to think….it is a fact Govinda is a better dancer than Michael Jackson)

What It Means to Have a SOUTH INDIAN GIRL as Wife

1.Her mother looks down at you because you didn't study in Indian Institute of Technology or Madras / Anna University.

2. Her father starts or ends every conversation with “... I say..."

3. She shudders if you use four letter words.

4. She has long hair, neatly oiled and braided (The Dubai based Oil Well Company will negotiate with her on a 25 year contract to extract coconut oil from her hair.)

5. She uses the word 'Super' as her only superlative.

6. Her name is another name for a Goddess or a flower.

7. Her first name is longer than your first name, middle name and surname combined (unless you are from Andhra)

8. When she mixes milk/curd and rice you are never sure whether it is for the Dog or for herself.

9. For weddings, she sports a mini jasmine garden on her head and wears silk saris in the Madras heat without looking too uncomfortable while you are melting in your singlet.

10. She thinks Mohan Lal is the sexiest man alive.

11. Her favourite cricketer is Krishnamachari Srikkanth.

12. Her favourite food is dosa though she has tried North Indian snacks like Chats (pronounced like the slang for 'conversation')

13. She bursts into songs with her cousins in every movie.

14. She bores you by telling you which raaga each song you hear is based on.

15. You have to give her jewellery, though she has already got plenty of it..

16. Her thali (Mangal Sutra) weighs more than the championship belts worn by WWF wrestlers.

17. She is more educated than you.

18. Her father thinks she is much smarter than you and all North Indians are crooks.

I don’t know how far this hold true for south Indian women so I m not commenting, I am sure some would definitely update me with her/his expertise views on this. I don’t intend to offend anyone with my post …. This post is shamelessly copied from one of the websites.

The Perfect Husband...

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club.
A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only Rs.1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "Rs7,00,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking
              Rs.11,50,000"


MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 11,00,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50
    thousand. It really is a pretty good price."


WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"


MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."


The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....


He smiles and asks:



-




-


-

-

-

-

-

"Anyone knows who this mobile belongs to?"

A victim of horrific facial disfigurement -Jose Mestre, a 51 year old man from Lisbon, Portugal, has been losing his face to a huge growth of a facial tumor for the past 35 years, covers his entire face distorting it beyond recognition.

Jose's face is a collection of blood vessels that have expanded, producing a raised red area on the skin. Jose was born with a strawberry-colored birthmark on his upper lip. At puberty it began growing. Now it is 33cm long and weights more than 3 kg. Of course, Jose cannot work and the giant tumor, growing continuously since he was 16, destroyed one eye, extended over his mouth, tongue, and lips, twisting his gums and removing his teeth. The tumor bleeds frequently, especially during the sleep.

"Children see me and start crying. They probably think I'm an animal," Jose told one of the reporters ….though he has become a well-known figure around the streets of Lisbon.

This tumor could have removed with the help of a surgery, but Jose's religious faith - as a Jehovah's Witness he refuses to accept a blood transfusion and this has prevented him from having surgery to remove the growth.

Jose's dream is to live a long and normal life. Now a leading British surgeon has offered to treat Jose using ultrasound waves to coagulate the blood before the operation. This should remove the risk of heavy bleeding - satisfying his religious beliefs about blood transfusions in the process and the surgeon is confident that an operation with a harmonic scalpel could make him look a lot more normal.

I just hope that the doctors can do something for him. This is an absolutely cruel and terrible fate for any person. No one should suffer through this.

While coming to office yesterday I saw some FM channels on India Gate  asking  people why do we celebrate Republic Day .I was so surprised to see that maximum no. of people standing there were unable to answer that .I could not answer them as I had to cross that road before security forces block the entire area for Parade rehearsal. So I just thought that I should write all I know about 26^th January.

India got its independence on 15^th August, 1947 but during the period from1947  to 1950,King George VI of England was the head of country as we have no constitution to follow. On 26^th January, 1950 theConstitutionof India was formally adopted by the Parliament, and India declared itself as a "Republic" and became a sovereign state, so since then this day is celebrated annually as Republic Day in India . This was a deliberate act to make the 26th January as our Republic day as it was India's "Independence Day", before independence , one of Mahatma Gandhi's many symbolic acts during India's Freedom Struggle against the British colonial rule, and the adoption of the Constitution on this date was felt able to strengthen its initial meaning.

To mark this occasion, a grand parade is held in New Delhi, the Capital of India, beginning from Raisina Hill near the Rashtrapati Bhavan , along the Rajpath , past India Gate and on to the Red Fort. Different infantry, cavalry and mechanized regiments of the Indian Army , the Indian Navy and the Indian Air Force march in formation, decked in all their finery and official decorations. The President of India , who is also the Commander in Chief of the Indian Armed Forces, takes the salute. The Chief Guest of the parade is a Head of State of another nation,  The parade also includes many traditional dance troupes, to symbolize the cultural heritage of India. It traditionally ends with a colorful fly past by Air Force jets in a Triganga  . Similar parades are held in the capitals of all the states of India, where the Governor of the respective state takes the salute. So this is all about India’s Republic Day.

I know we all know that ….but just to refresh our memories here are some interesting facts about India.

 ·        India has the largest number of Post Offices in the world.

·        The largest employer in the world is the Indian Railways, employing over a million people.

·        Chess was invented in India.

 ·        Algebra, Trigonometry and Calculus are studies, which originated in India.

·        The 'Place Value System' and the 'Decimal System' were developed in India in 100 B.C.

·        India is the largest democracy in the world, the 6th largest Country in the world, and one of the most ancient civilizations.

 ·        India exports software to 90 countries. 

·        The four religions born in India - Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and Sikhism, are followed by 25% of the world's population. 

·         There are 300,000 active mosques in India more than in any other country, including the Muslim world. 

·         Islam is India's and the world's second largest religion. 

·        Martial Arts were first created in India, and later spread to Asia by Buddhist missionaries.

·        Yoga has its origins in India and has existed for over 5,000 years. 

·        The world's first university was established in Takshila in 700 BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education. 

·        Sanskrit is considered as the mother of all higher languages. This is because it is the most precise and therefore the suitable language for computer software (a report in Forbes magazine, July 1987). 

·        Sushruta is regarded as the Father of Surgery. Over 2600 years ago Sushrata & his team conducted complicated surgeries like cataract, artificial limbs, cesareans, fractures, urinary stones, plastic surgery and brain surgeries. 

·        Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to mankind. The Father of Medicine, Charaka, consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago. 

·        The Art of Navigation & Navigating was born in the river Sindh over 6000 years ago. The very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word 'NAVGATIH'. The word navy is also derived from the Sanskrit word 'Nou'. 

·        Bhaskaracharya rightly calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the Sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart. According to his calculation, the time taken by the Earth to orbit the Sun was 365.258756484 days. 

·        Until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds in the world (Source : Gemological Institute of America). 

·        The value of "pi" was first calculated by the Indian Mathematician Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century, long before the European mathematicians. 

·        India is one of the oldest civilizations in the world, spanning a period of more than 4000 years, and witnessing the fusion of several customs and traditions, which are reflective of the rich culture and heritage of the Country. 

·        Algebra, Trigonometry and Calculus also orignated in India. Quadratic Equations were used by Sridharacharya in the 11th century. The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 10*53 (i.e 10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 B.C. during the Vedic period. Even today, the largest used number is Tera: 10*12(10 to the power of 12). 

·        The name 'India' is derived from the River Indus, the valleys around which were the home of the early settlers. The Aryan worshippers referred to the river Indus as the Sindhu. 

·        The Persian invaders converted it into Hindu. The name `Hindustan' combines Sindhu and Hindu and thus refers to the land of the Hindus. 

·        The World's First Granite Temple is the Brihadeswara Temple at Tanjavur, Tamil Nadu. The shikhara of the temple is made from a single 80-tonne piece of granite. This magnificient temple was built in just five years, (between 1004 AD and 1009 AD) during the reign of Rajaraja Chola. 

·        The game of Snakes & Ladders was created by the 13th century poet saint Gyandev. It was originally called 'Mokshapat'. The ladders in the game represented virtues and the snakes indicated vices. The game was played with cowrie shells and dices. In time, the game underwent several modifications, but its meaning remained the same, i.e good deeds take people to heaven and evil to a cycle of re-births. 

·        The world's highest cricket ground is in Chail, Himachal Pradesh. Built in 1893 after levelling a hilltop, this cricket pitch is 2444 meters above sea level. 

·        India was one of the richest countries till the time of British rule in the early 17th Century. Christopher Columbus, attracted by India's wealth, had come looking for a sea route to India when he discovered America by mistake. 

·        The Baily Bridge is the highest bridge in the world. It is located in the Ladakh valley between the Dras and Suru rivers in the Himalayan Mountains. It was built by the Indian Army in August 1982.

·        Usage of anesthesia was well known in ancient Indian medicine. Detailed knowledge of anatomy, embryology, digestion, metabolism, physiology, etiology, genetics and immunity is also found in many ancient Indian texts. 

·        Jainism and Buddhism were founded in India in 600 B.C. and 500 B.C. respectively. 

·        The oldest European church and synagogue in India are in the city of Cochin. They were built in 1503 and 1568 respectively. 

·        Jews and Christians have lived continuously in India since 200 B.C. and 52 A.D respectively. 

·        The largest religious building in the world is Angkor Wat, a Hindu Temple in Cambodia built at the end of the 11th century. 

·        The Vishnu Temple in the city of Tirupathi built in the 10th century, is the world's largest religious pilgrimage destination. Larger than either Rome or Mecca, an average of 30,000 visitors donate $6 million (US) to the temple everyday.

·        Sikhism originated in the Holy city of Amritsar in Punjab. Famous for housing the Golden Temple, the city was founded in 1577.

·        Varanasi, also known as Benaras, was called "the Ancient City" when Lord Buddha visited it in 500 B.C., and is the oldest, continuously inhabited city in the world today. 

·        His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, the exiled spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhists, runs his government in exile from Dharamsala in northern India

·        India provides safety for more than 300,000 refugees originally from Sri Lanka, Tibet, Bhutan, Afghanistan and Bangladesh, who escaped to flee religious and political persecution.

Do we need another reason to say we are proud to be an Indian.